Valentine’s day
Written on February 14, 2008
I had an e-mail from a widow yesterday reminding me that Valentine’s day would soon be upon us. And here it is – 14 February 2008. As if Christmas wasn’t enough, she said, now there was another should-be-happy-time to cope with. She didn’t want to put a dampener on other people’s romance but she just didn’t know how she was going to get through it.
I am sure many of us sympathise. As a greetings card keeper, I used to go back and look at previous Valentine’s cards and cry over the messages. I found it almost impossibly hard to handle and, of course, days like today are so much worse than other days…
Will it ever get better? I always answer that yes it will. Not overnight, there will be advances and setbacks; it may take years to really feel that life is worth living. Sooner or later though (and there’s no telling how much time is needed) most widows and widowers agree that yes, it does get better.
Hold that thought! In the meantime, try to get out - especially if this means you meet other people in the same position. Sharing your experiences, knowing that you are not alone was for me, and I know for many others, a great help.
Have a look at our web site. Find out about our branches and our Getting Together county /area groups. It’s no magic wand but it will help.
My very best wishes to all of reading this especially to those who are finding today very tough.
Jean
Filed in: Specific problems, Just being....
I just wanted to say that I think Jean has done a great job setting up this association and it really does help to learn of others experiences. My husband died 2 month’s ago, after being diagnosed with cancer last June. It is really hard on my daughter (16) and son (13) and of course me as well! Although friends and neighbours are very kind, sometimes you can only really say what you are feeling with those who have been in the same position. A friend wanted me to help her in her flower shop on Valentines Day, but the thought of all those red roses and heart-shaped balloons was too much. Instead, I ranted at BT - who probably have one of the worst customer services set-ups regarding bereavement issues around (with no dedicated team for this at all).
Hi Fiona
You did right to avoid the flower shop!
It would have been dreadfully upsetting. I’ve said elsewhere on this blog that I couldn’t face my first “jingle bells” Xmas. Same sort of thing! Don’t push yourself. Only you know what’s right for you.
As you know we have lots of branches in towns up and down, and informal county based groups too. Do you live near one of them? if you tell me where you live (jean@nawidows.org.uk, I’ll come back to you.
Best wishes
Jean
PS Thanks for your comments about the Association. Much appreciated. I’m the Chair at the moment but can not claim to have set up the NAW - just the web site and this blog! The Association was started up over thirty years ago.
I find some of the comments so helpful. Is there a group in North Devon, ie. around Barnstaple/Bideford/Tiverton.
Hi Rita.
I’ll send you details of the NAW Devon coordinator. So glad you are finding the site helpful.
My very best wishes
Jean
I lost my husband just three days before Christmas so by Valentines day I was still very vunerable. My darling daughter sent me a valentine card from herself, my son-in-law and my two lovely little grandsons to say how much I was loved by her Dad and by the four of them. It did make me cry but in a ‘nice’ way. I am lucky in that I am very close to my daughter and son-in-law and my son and his fiancee but I feel their loss too as they were all close to thier Dad.
I have just sent off my subscription to join NAW
How true
I have been widowed for just 6 weeks and I am finding it very hard to come to terms with . My husband’s death was very sudden and unexpected and I wondered if there is a NAW in Hampshire/Wiltshire. I really could do with some help.
Just found this website.I don’t suppose there is a NAW in North Northumberland? I could really do with someone to talk to .My husband of 30 years died last October and I feel so alone.Does the gnawing pain of emptiness ever go away?
Is there anyone out there in East Anglia ? My husband died just 6 weeks ago. Things suddenly seem to get worse - not better. The paperwork is horrendous but I suppose it will end sometime. Just to talk to someone in the same boat would be great.
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сохранную перевозку грузов одним или несколькими видами She didn’t want to put a dampener on other people’s romance but […….