An anniversary
Written on October 5, 2007
My husband Mike died seven years ago today. At the time I thought my life was over. that there would be no more happiness for me - ever. I was wrong. Of course, my life now is very different from the life I imagined even ten years ago but it is a life I enjoy. Getting to this point has not been easy. I am still not “over it”: we don’t live with someone for decades and then forget. Love goes on…
As I see it part of my job as NAW chair is to foster this process of healing, to help all widowers and widowers to build a new life. As in most jobs, there’s a lot of routine: it’s not all a question of making big decisions or doing earth-shattering things. As NAW chair what I do is to try to help others: to examine what we might do and, given very limited resources, examine how we might implement it.
Of course, there are visits round the county, and management meetings and phone calls … both from branch officers and from individual members, sometimes in response to questions I’ve posed in my newsletters and sometimes because they want to volunteer to help or because they just want to talk.
I hope that this blog will help me to keep in touch, not only with NAW members but also with others, you out there, who have an interest in what we do - whether personal or professional.
Filed in: Just being....
ilost my husband 4 months ago iu feel i can not live without him. we where married for 37 years. and very happy. we moved to france. in hope to have a happy old age he got ill 4 years ago. he has a stroke. 4 months ago and died . i am all alone and lost.
Hi Angela
Of course, you feel all alone and lost. Four months is no time at all. You are at rock bottom and just feel that nothing is worth it. You will find this hard to believe but as time goes on you WILL learn to cope. I am not saying you’ll “get over it”, a few do but most of us don’t. What will happen is that you will slowly learn to live with the loss. Your memories, now perhaps increasing your sence of loss will start to be a source of pleasure. You may take up new interests, you’ll make new friends you’ll live again. Please don’t despair.
The NAW brings us together, we are all widowed. We all know what a new widow is going through - we’ve been there. We understand each other. Have a look at my comments to Yvonne and Sandra in the About the NAW section.
Thinking of you.
i am feeling like angela, frightened and alone. I can’t believe/accept he has gone - and that it’s for ever. My physical body cant cope with this. He was killed in a car accident, I was with him, by a fast car on the wrong side of the road. I cant conceive of a life without him. I don’t want a life without him.
I lost my dear husband Alan in January after a long illness.We were married for 47 years and I thought I was doing quite well until his birthday in October, Suddenly I feel totally lost ,old and very lonely.I have a wonderfull support system from my daughter and friends but I just cannot be bothered to do anything. It seems as though I am just bide-ing my time untill I can be with him again.All of my friends have husbands they can talk to it hurts so much.
I feel better now that I have found your site and that I am not the only one going through this and, that at least we had the time to say goodbye.
Anne
So glad our NAW site helps. Rebuilding a life isn’t easy but you are not alone. There are lots of us out there at different stages of bereavement - experiencing not only grief but also, much later of course, a growing sense of contentment even happiness, as unlikely, even as impossible, as that once seemed.
Do think about joining the NAW – particularly if you live near a branch or in an area where there is a coordinator. Most of us have found that the company of other widows helps tremendously. We have a telephone befriending service for members too so there’s always another widow to talk to. Everyone will understand your feelings having been through the experience themselves.
Jean
I lost my dear husband 18 weeks ago, he died suddenly age 42, although I have 4 children and a fantastic sister, I feel so lonley, each day is pure hell without him, I just cant except that hes gone. Everyone says be strong for the kids, but I no this sounds selfish, but what about me, they are young and will make their own families and find happiness, the future looks grim, I dont want to face it , he was my best and only friend I didnt need anything else. Im so afraid that when I say bye to the kids when they go off to school it will be the last time I see them, I was just so happy a few months ago, now its all so horrible, he went off to work, then that was it I never see him again.
My husband was ill for many years with a chronic illness and he deteriorated and died last February after 4 weeks in hospital. I was with him for most of the time and acted as a carer in his last years. I have been busy with many things, carrying on his work, meeting his relatives who live abroad and meeting with my good very supportive friends. However now I have done a lot of the things whcih needed doing and have more reflective time on my hands I suddenly feel more grief stricken and am thinking about his last months and weeks of life and all the things I could have said. I feel overcome with grief and the sense of being alone without a partner. On the outside my friends think I am doing alright and keep in regular contact with me. I belivve that I will feel better after perhaps a year as I have alot of activities and interests but wonder if they are all worthwhile and meaningful, but have to go through the present time. I can understand how other writers feel lost and alone. I wonder if counselling would be of benefit to me now?
I lost my partner 14 weeks ago after an illness, we were together for 5 years. I miss him so much and feel robbed of the years we could have had together, so much we still wanted to do. Like the other ladies who’ve commented, I just can’t get my head round the idea that he’s not here anymore, it,s so hard to take in. I wish people would stop asking me how I am because I know they expect me to say i’m ok and I want to say how i really feel.
When I read all the comments and the terrible times by everyone who is in the same boat as me it makes me feel very selfish and self centred to be crying so much today. I lost Dave in March very suddenly of an undetectable untreatable heart condition. He went very quickly and did not know that he was going, neither did I and we are still in denial and think he may walk back in the room. He was 59 but still like Dennis the Menace and such a funny man. We relate to each other all the tales about him and the funny things he did which help at times but being such a live wire we miss him more. Two weeks after he died I was made redundant after 21 years of working for Kent County Council which was very harsh as I felt that the work would sustain me. I am working but not in a job I really relish and also not for a full week. I really need to keep occupied to keep my mind off things. I have visited my friend in Australia which helped but probably just like running away from things. My family are very supportive and I have sold my house and my son sold his and we have bought a house that fits us all I have my own living room and bedroom with ensuite and I am not alone. The grandsons are very lively and make a big difference so that is why I feel very selfish because I am very lucky to have such a lovely and loving family but my soulmate and partner has gone 40 years we were together and knew what each other was thinking and feeling. There is no one to relate to like that and there never will be so it is just a matter of coming to terms with it. I do feel that I am just marking time until we are together again and will never be happy again. I know there are lots of people much worse of and in time I will calm down and think of others. I have never been a person to keep crying and that is what is unnerving me especially today I don’t seem to be able to stop. My love goes out to all of you and hope that we can keep going day to day. Pat
My husband was my friend. I lost him 13 months ago.He was fighting with incurable cancer for 7 years. My grief is getting worse and I do not believe my life will get better. I have a loving son and daughter in-law, but I do not have a partner. We were married for 29 years but it is not long enough.
I jusy wanted to say how much reading Jeans postings help - I often re read her comments to remind myself things will get better.
It is now 17 weeks since my husband died and I felt on the whole I was doing ok some days and then out of the blue the pain ripped through me again.
However I can’t believe how awful it is now with all the Christmas jollities going on around. My husband Alek never made a big fuss of Christmas but now facing my first one without him in 37 years I realise just how much we did do together and I feel so desolate.
Am going through the motions of gift buying & wrapping etc but my heart is not in it - just wish I could go to bed & stay there for a week.
Thanks Jean I hope I can be as much support to others in days to come.
Have finally managed to get onto the forum with Carries help but it is pretty quiet on there - mine is the first posting since October.
Yvonne
I lost my hubby 20 months ago so this is the 2nd xmas without him. Last year I didnt display cards or decorations. My 3 children are fantastic but they have their own lives to lead. I was his carer for 12 years so suddenly I was left with just me to care for. I have now got a job which helps tp keep me sane and I’ve put up a few xmas decorations so I suppose life has gone on only in another form. This year as last I will not be spending the day with family. I volunteered for helping at an Open Xmas where the lonley/homeless are fed and entertained. Wendy
hi everybody out there thats feeling like me.wish id found you before.im very lucky got four very loving supportive kids and two fantastic grandchildren with another on the way.what more could i ask for.obviously my husband i miss him always will.lost him october 2005 done all the bits like working all hours and trying to get over it but lets face it it doesnt really work does it . had his ashes here till august this year which for some reason was a comfort stupid but used to tell him about my day.he had this boat he had been trying to do up for 15 years.always said he wanted to be burried at sea.my youngest son spent lots of hours and money doing up his boat.also his special dog died this year had her cremated.we scattered both ashes in august had a barbeque on the beach which must sound weird but was one of the fun things we used to do with the kids.im trying hard i will get there if i dont remember the happy times the good times we shared then ive lost so much.i will always love my loving husband will always miss him.but on new years eve need to tell him i forgive you for leaving me even thought in my heart youll always be with me.sorry for being a deppressing person and being there for me needed to say all this nin
I lost my husband 4 months ago, to a massive heart attack. He was only 53, and had no previous symptoms, as far as i know. We were married 27 years Together for 30. You don’t realise how much you love someone until they’re gone.I feel like I took him so much for granted.
I feel like my life has ended, and that I’ll never be happy again. My children have been great, but I know that they have their lives to get on with and can’t be around me all the time. I’m dreading being on my own, feel so isolated and lonely despite having many friends and family, its a different kind of loneliness.
I have good days and bad days. Today I can’t stop crying. I put a brave face on, but inside I’m screaming.
I’m going back to work next week (as a nurse) so it’s going to be very difficult. Though maybe it will help.I don’t know.
To all of you out there who are going through the same. I’m thinking of you.
hi julia course youll be happy again. just not yet.as for those kids how great are they.like mine probably talking behind your back and making plans for you. they mean well you know.do you get the daily phone calls asking what your doing today.me too how great weve brought up kids that care.your going back to work as a nurse that must be hard.but you will cope you sound like that type of woman. wish id had a nurse like you there when i lost mine.i wish you all the best i wish you all the best when you go back and know you will feel better within the month let those kids in girl they mean well love nin xx
I lost my husband to liver cancer on November 18th 2007. It has been less than 3 months but I am trying to be strong. We had just completed on a villa in Spain when he was diagnosed in the February. I took early retirement and we had four wonderful months in Spain together. He deteriorated very rapidly and I brought him home to die. I can relate to everyone who feels their heart has broken and no matter how many friends and relatives are their to support you the feeling in your stomach of loss never goes.
All the problems he dealt with
I am typing this through the tears, i lost my wonderful husband Dave in February last year, he was only 49, tomorrow is Valentines day and we always used to celebrate, its just like trying to get through Christmas again, and I have the anniversary to face as well and I am not sure that I can cope.Its good to read through the other messages, at least you feel that you are not alone.
Its good to read all your comments. I thougt no body was feeling as lost and lonely as I was after losing my husband 7 months ago. he died very suddenly and i miss him so much. We were together for 37 years since we were teenagers. we had our good times and bad times too. and I dont know how I am going to go on without him. I find myself crying in all sort of places and I was never one for crying at the drop of a hat
I have children and put on a brave face when they are around, but my heart is breaking. Thinking of you all out there and maybe someday the pain will lessen a little for all of us. Love marie
hi ok im on a downer today.but merv and me always made a plan when things were wrong.im planning a bit in the garden just for us.found the perfect rose.kids are great but this will just be our special place
I really hate life. I feel so loney. I smile at work and feel so phoney. Everyone tells me “your so young, you will find someone.” I hate hearing that. I want my husband back. It has been 1 year, seven months. I feel like I would like to die. Nightime is the worst. I am so loney and sad. He was 51. I was 46. He was too young. I had real dreams about us growing old together, our grandchildren, travel. Now he is dead. I hate life.
Reading all these messages makes me realise I am not alone.
My David died suddenly four years ago. My children live away in London but my friends live here in Leeds. I still can’t believe this has happened to me. I have tried everything possible to move on and have had to make two weddings and receive three grandchildren without Dave being around. I think it’s the feelings of guilt at him missing out on the best part of life. I have no answers to cope with the loneliniess except to always make plans and do something everyday to get out of the house. The endless struggle is so exhausting, does anyone else feel like this? After 32 years together it’s impossible to re-train yourself into being someone else. I am not a “good” widow!!! Janet
my lovely husband keith died 13 weeks ago. we were together for 24yrs and married for 21 yrs.we loved each other so much, i am finding it so hard,.i am going to see a counseller/.my lovely stepdaughter and 3 beautiful grandchildren have been fantastic.without them i wouldnt cope. i was his carer for the past 5 years. he died in his sleep , i found him. i cant describe what i felt. my whole world collapsed. he was just 51years old. i miss him all the time and cry at least once a day. will this ever end.
Hi Gretta
Will it end? Yes. You won’t “get over it”: you’ll always remember him. You won’t “get back to normal”, that’s gone. However, a new “normal” will emerge and you WILL learn to live again.
Right now you will find this impossible to believe but it’s true - hold on to the thought! Most widows have felt the way you now feel. We’ve all been there. Tlhough some of us rebuild more quickly than others we all rebuild eventually.
Do you have an NAW group or branch near you. As I always say, it helps to speak to others in the same position. If you e mail me your town I’ll see if there’s anything or anyone near you.
Best wishes
Jean
I would like to know if there is a NAW group near me. I live in Rohnert Park, CA. My husband died unexpectedly 16 months ago. He was 41 yrs old. I have a now 5 year old daughter and a 3 year old son. I am so unhappy and feel that life will never get better and I will never feel happy again. I love my children more than anything, but it is difficult to make all the decisions and have all the responsibility for them. My husband was my best friend and I miss him everyday. I still cry a lot and ask why this happened to us. I just don’t understand. It seems like there are not too many young widows with children out there to talk to either. I feel very disconnected from everyone.
I lost my husband 8 weeks ago tomorrow after four years gradually deteriorating. I was his sole carer although I did have 4 fantastic friends who would sit with him when I needed to go to the bank and to the doctors. It would be easier to say what wasn’t wrong with him than what was..
I’ve not been too bad until the last week when my family left. (I live in Spain)
Now like others, I’m continually bursting into tears over silly things - clearing out his insulin, putting the large duvet back on the bed - we couldn’t use it as he was incontinent. I remembered how he use to love that and snuggle down in it.
Today I’m trying to clear out the garage to get his beloved car back from the workshop.That was his baby. I suddenly remembered all the plans that he had made and it hit me.
I know that this site is only for people in UK but have read comments from people outside.
is there any way that these people could communicate with each other and support each other? I have tried to find out if there is an English speaking group here in Spain but have been unsuccessful.
Hi
Sorry to hear you are having it so tough.There isn’t a group in Spain but I have thought for some time, given the size of the British community there, that that they are needed. Perhaps we might talk about this? Where in Spain are you?
Best wishes
Jean
Dear Jean,
Thank you for your reply. I’m living in Inland Andalucia.
I think that being able to communicate with others in the same situation would be a great help.
Here in Spain, we were lucky in the medical treatment given to my husband. I have paid my social security for quite a few years so he was included on my payments. As I say, the treatment was first class. It was the home care that left a lot to be desired. However, we managed although at times I did reach screaming pitch.
I’m not always down in the dumps as at the end it was a relief for him. He had no quality, no movement, speech and very poor understanding.
I do have bad moments although I’m sure that I’m not fully aware that he isn’t coming back. (He used to work away and could be away for months at a time) I’m worried that in a few months time I shall go through a really black time.
Is it possible for you to put all your ‘overseas’ people in touch with each other. i don’t mind co-ordinating them.
all the Best
carol
Hi i lost my darling husband january 2008 aged 50. He was my soulmate, we were devoted to each other. we had so many plans, simple ones like growing our own veg, and walking through the countryside. we were building our dream house in france for the past 2 years, we hated to be apart in the week but we so wanted a house of our own.we were told he had 12 wks to live oct 07, after a bad headache diagnosed as brain cancer. He was brave & selfless, although in so much pain. The house had 2 months left to finish but has to be sold. I dont want to wake and my heart has broken.I think of nothing but finding him & being together for eternity. I can not imagine a future without him, and happiness was being together.The loneliness is unbearable, i am inconsolable.
Dear Sue, I have gone through the loss of dreams and plans but unlike you I had a longer time to absorb the losses as my husband,who like yours, finally went in January 2008 after 4 long years of deteriorating. I have gone through all the emotions that you are dealing with but had to stay strong as I was his sole carer. I did throw wobblers. When these happened in front of him, I had to reassure him that I wasn’t angry with him. I did cry (in private).
At the moment, I think I’m still numb although I knew for months that the end was in sight. I don’t think that it has hit me that he hasn’t gone back to work.
The thing that keeps me going is that as he didn’t have any quality, he isn’t suffering now. Rightly or wrongly, I imagine him having a schapps, eating herrings (he was Danish) and laughing and joking with his dad who had died 18 months before. i still have bad moments. i think that I always will have, but I know that he wouldn’t want me to collapse. I feel that his spirit is with me.
Please don’t be offended. Keep thinking that he isn’t suffering. It’s always harder for the people left behind.
Please don’t give up. Be strong for his memory. Yes, cry,scream whatever but please don’t give up. Give yourself time to grieve.
dear carol, thankyou so much for your heartfelt reply. It helps to know there are others out there who may understand how i feel. My husband was the youngest of 6 siblings, his parents are in their 70’s, and i do worry who may have been there to collect him. I have been reading lots of spiritual books, maybe out of desperation to be assured that our energy/mind lives on, and we are on the earth plain as choice, to enrich our spiritual being. I would never have believed any of this before i lost Eugene. Like you, i feel his spirit is still with me, as many times unexplained happenings have occured, which give me so much hope and comfort. Eugene had no quality of life for the last 4 weeks, and i know he’d not want me to see him totally dependent on me. It broke my heart but i just wasn’t ready or even prepared to let him go, which in hind sight was so selfish on my part. i will try to follow your kind advice, i know its what Eugene would want. Our unfinished dream house will be shared between his three adult children, two who he hadn’t spoken to for 9 years, & me. French law states children have to inherit, regardless of your wishes. I can no longer complete our dream, but maybe it’d be too painful to see it finished. I guess it was just so sudden, unexpected & final. I wish you well, & hope that life for you is manageable. I have been told i should look on the years we had as a wonderful gift, & beautiful memories, which can never be taken away from me.
Hi ,I found this site by accident, just typing in how to cope when your husband dies. My beloved Keith passed away on Feb.17. I feel as though I went with him. We would of celebrated our 41st anniversary this past april. We married on my 19th birthday. My whole life was wrapped up in him and our 4 children. Some days I just don’t think I have the will to go on, I miss him so much . The fact that I am caregiver for my 91 year old mother is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. I know in my head that it will get better, but my heart is really having trouble accepting this. It truly was a blessing to come upon this site and know that I am not alone in my feelings and that there is hope for better days ahead. Thanks for being there
Dear Sue,
I’m glad that you are beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel-no matter how long it is. I have to keep hold of the thought that he isn’t suffering however much I miss him-his lack of patience, his snoring and his strong opinions -all in his ‘fit’ time.I can’t bring myself to get rid of his things. A friend of mine who lost her husband in 2000 told me to take my time and don’t let anyone tell me when I should clear his things out.She cleared most of her husband’s things out last year when her grandson’s school had a collection for Africa. Like ourselves, they had spent many years there.I take a great deal of comfort from her advice.
Gail, like you I came across this site by chance and have not regretted it as like you I know I’m not alone.
God Bless you all
I lost my husband after a terrible car accident. He did live almost 3 years after the accident. I miss him and feel very lonely. The grief is painful and my mind keeps going back to when I found him passed away at home. The other night I went to a best friends daughters wedding reception alone. Other than the immediate family I did not know anyone. Of course, everyone else that was invited went into their group clusters. The father of the groom noticed that I was standing all by myself and talked to me for a while. Then I went and sat at table by myself for quite some time until a former coworker with her sister showed up and we were able to sit together and chat. It was very lonely in this social situation and I felt quite uncomfortable for the first time ever without having my husband with me. It was painfully obvious to others that I was by myself and I hated people knowing that. It made me want to avoid these type of situations in the future. On the other hand I have family members that want me to move to another state. I live in the country and they feel I will become too isolated and if I needed help in someway that know one would know or be able to check on me. It is nice that people care, but there are times I am tired of everyone telling me what to do. We had no children. It is just me and cat. Sorry, I did not mean to rant, but it feels good to let people know in similar situations what I am dealing with and maybe they are dealing with the same issues.
Hi Kay
Going out and about on your own is very difficult. You’re not ranting at all! You’re just telling it like it is. Things like weddings are particularly difficult for all of us when our partners have died - after all, the whole focus of a wedding is being together … and you’re alone. It’s bound to be very upsetting.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. The fact that you went at all shows you are gathering strength! You have a right to scream and shout anyway. It is unfair….
People do try to help but often they just haven’t a clue how you feel. Don’t be bullied. You’ll do what you can when you’re ready.
That said, there is a balance to achieve between taking your time on the one hand and pushing yourself on the other. The fact that you went to this wedding shows that you are doing well. Going out and about is imortant as is making new friends. Easier said than done of course! Keep trying, keep making the effort - even when it hurts. We never forget but eventually it does get easier.
I don’t know where you live so I do wonder if there are any NAW activities near you. It helps to be with those who understand, people who are in the same boat. If you don’t know what’s on, e-mail me where you live on jean@nawidows.org.uk and I’ll find out for you.
Best wishes
Jean
I have read with interest the comments on this site from those widowed either some time ago or more recently. The feelings of loneliness and hopelessness reflected by some are the same feelings I am experiencing now. My husband died in November 2007. He had been ill for some years with heart problems but always managed to lead an active life. We enjoyed holidays with friends, meals/days out etc and more recently he had purchased a cabin cruiser which he kept on a nearby canal. This had always been his dream, but he only had it for a few months. He had only been in hospital for 10 days and had had many trips to hospital, so his death came as a complete shock and I received a phone call at 4.15am to go there. When I arrived he had already gone sadly following kidney failure and lastly a cardiac arrest. The image of him lying there is in my mind every day.
Christmas last year was totally false for me. My son and fiancee, my daughter and my husband’s brother and sister came, but I felt as though I was outside of the group and that it wasn’t working very well without my husband there (he loved Christmas). I don’t think I want any more Christmases like that.
Now, some 8 months on, I am feeling worse. Three months after my husband died my old horse who I had had for 21 years, had to be put to sleep. He also had been a big part of my life. Also, a couple of months after my husband died I resigned my part time job because I was no longer enjoying it, couldn’t concentrate and decided it wasn’t for me any more, not the right type of job and company. So now, my life is entirely empty. My daughter is nearby but spends most of her time visiting her boyfriend in London. My son and his fiancee do have a baby on the way, but they will be moving to Spain in September this year. Spain may not be the answer for me. I have realised that they have their own lives to live and that they have plans. I feel it would be wrong to try to live my life through them, that I need to get a life of my own. I just don’t know how to do it.
Is there anyone who can recommend a “club” or “association” where widows and widowers actually meet up on occasions? I really feel this would help, but hate these Dating sites, this isn’t what I want. I just feel that to be with people who have similar experiences would help. Nearly all of my friends are part of a “couple” and I just feel like the odd one out all the time. It’s making me a bit reclusive really, avoiding invitations etc.
PS. Yes, I know “it’s early days” but can’t bear to hear it.
I have just found this site and thank goodness I realise I am not mad. My husband passed away 6 weeks ago, very suddenly after an operation. I haven’t had time to grieve properly as I have so much paperwork to sort out and I am finding out how insensitive some companies are ie the Job Centre, Waterboard, Motobility and the District Council to name but a few. I was told by the Andover Job Centre that I had given them the Death notification and I shouldn’t have done, it should have been taken to Salisbury. When I explained that it is not an everyday occurence that my husband dies I didn’t know. I have had 2 notifications from the Waterboard that the Direct Debit was returned - I have told them that I want no more letters from them addressed to my husband as I have already sent a DD mandate in my name to pay the water rates. After I contacted Motobility to collect my husband’s car (which they did) I received a letter asking why my husband had not taken his car for a service and then a letter from the DVLA thanking him for notifying them of a change of ownership. I now am in the unfortunate position of finding out that my husband did not have me on the tenancy agreement with the Council (we split up and got back together 18 months ago and I moved in with him) and he was claiming Housing and Council Tax Benefit and I now have them pestering me for the overpayments of Benefits. I just don’t know where I am half the time. Please do not misunderstand me, I miss my husband so very much, I feel like I want to go to bed and hopefully never wake up, but I have to as the rest of my family have been through so much themselves.
I find a lot of people just pretend they haven’t seen me, I thought it was something I have done, but since reading other comments this seems to be the norm, it really is quite dreadful that you can be quite normal one day and a widow the next. How I agree with the situation of being the odd one out, I even feel like that with my sons and their wives, so strange. I am pouring out my feelings today as tomorrow would have been Chris’s 67th birthday and today is Sunday the worst day of the week and I feel really quite dreadful. I have just phoned a friend and we are going to a car boot sale - it’s just something to do.
I do agree with the idea of widows and widowers meeting up occasionally and sharing experiences and maybe find someone to go on holiday with, these singles holidays and single supplements are really rather expensive.
Hi Carol
You asked about an NAW group in Hampshire. Unfortunately the member who was the coordinator there has just had to step down for personal reasons and we are currently looking for another volunteer coordinator.
As a first step though, why not ring Carrie in the NAW head office 0845 838 2261 (local rate) and ask her to send you a membership pack. If you do decide to join (£16 annually) she’ll keep you in the picture with what’s happening in Hampshire.
Just remember though that the feelings you describe, no matter how awful, are quite normal. You are not alone in feeling this way.
I know I always say this but it is true - you really will feel better when you start mixing with others in the same boat. It’s not easy - and I know this sounds like yet another cliche - but there is light at the end of the tunnel!
Let me know how you get on.
Best wishes
Jean
I just went for a very long walk around the neighborhood at night. The live oak trees here in Louisiana are very beautiful, even at night. I gain strength from them knowing that they were here long before any of us and will be here long after we are gone, through many hurricanes. Their huge branches reach out as if to embrace.
David suddenly left me on 10/20/2007 after jogging. But he left me in a wonderful place with five amazing children.
I ride a giant wave through tomorrow, my 34th wedding anniversary. Somehow I thought I could stay on top, but I was crushed by the sea of emotion and am struggling, barely able to breathe through the salty tears.
For some reason I thought I could stay up on the surf and ride over the number of the day. Man made numbers. But the wave crashed over me with floods of memories of happy moments together.
The walk helped my breathing, but I can’t walk all night–can I?
Hi Karen, yes you can walk all night ,it helps . The dark silent night is often a welcoming hug. No one can see the tears that we sometimes think will never stop. We can savor the happy memories ,close our eyes and be with them ,if only in memories. Our song was “The Twelth of Never”,I always added and beyond.Even after almost 41 years never came to quick.Everyone says it will get easier, lets hang onto that .